The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize