you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
