We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
