dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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