You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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