Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god it's open bar.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
