you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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