My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I faked an abortion last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
