if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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