My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
