you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
