I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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