This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
