i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
