I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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