GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
