He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
