FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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