good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
