this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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