You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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