i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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