Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
