I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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