I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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