Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
