she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
