Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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