I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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