I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
