So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
