if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
