make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
