Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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