The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
