I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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