i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
