he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
