Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
