I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
