4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
