it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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