Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
