singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
