my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
