That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
