Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
