This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
