READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
