Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
