Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
