i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
