There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
