how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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