thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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