I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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