whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
