umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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