Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
