i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
