Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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