also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
