my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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